Prayer to St. Gluteous

Oh, Saint Glute, of food and feast,
let the strudel affect me least.
This menu rests beneath my eyes.
In bold letter is "Christmas Pies"!

Of diets tried (I usually break),
it's always cuz' of Christmas cake.
This Atkins diet I'm sure will stand -
but 'empty calories' is in demand!

So please, Saint Gluteous, be my pal,
have mercy on this tearful gal.
And most of all, while I munch and eat,
don't let results end on... (my seat!)