Clogronification Explained:
(stretching time) |
Clogronification circuitry is only necessary if you live North of the Equator.
Those living to the South, needing to stretch time, require the more complicated Miratiff Circuit. Ask your local electronics retailer. But don't make direct eye contact.
As mentioned in the Snow Globe instructions, Clogronification circuitry is most often used with Atomic time saving devices. The design allows one to repeat tasks numerous times (at least three, sometimes four) before too much time expenditure occurs and time-continuum laws take over and possible bad-fate events then happen such as tiny warp holes in the universe.
However, this feature of time repetition is good for making excuses with your mom. For example, let's say you're a typical young male and you've left your dirty socks out on the kitchen floor. Your ornery sister slips on them and falls. We won't get into why she deserved it - we'll leave it to that ornery sisters are, well, ornery. However, she ends up spilling her blueberry yogurt snack all over her favorite Snoopy sweater. This causes natural favorite daughter/mother/danger for brother chain reaction.
As your mother holds the sock in question in front of you and sternly asks, "Are these smelly, filthy things yours!?" You immediately invoke the clogronification circuitry - (providing you're wearing a deluxe portable Atomic Time Stretch model) and now you have the luxury to choose your best answer. Example replies:
FIRST: "Um, err, yes Mom! I had taken them off, to err, um, to clean the, um, kitchen floor for you! Yes! And, and, um, er, I knew, that, I..., I...., I would need better, um, traction with my, um, with bare feet... hey your new hairdo looks great!" (She's not buying this because she's raising only one eyebrow (as only moms can do), so you again press the Clogronification button - time goes back).
SECOND REPLY: "Um, er, no Mom! Even though I don't have socks on now, I, um, put my, socks, like I always do on the, erm... couch... No! I, um mean in the laundry hamper, so these socks must be sis's... (she's still not buying your story, because she's folding her arms, cocking her head to one side and and putting on that "You are so-in-trouble, Mister!" expression.)
You now engage the clogronification mechanism once again but this time set your back timer for minus 12 minutes (not recommended because of time-continuum factors) however, you find yourself in the kitchen just as you're about to throw your smelly, dirty socks on the floor - the Deja Vu effect takes place and you stop yourself in mid-toss, think for a moment and then successfully toss your dirty socks into your sister's backpack - whereby it becomes your sister's fault for throwing the socks on the kitchen floor when she screeches loudly when she eventually finds them and throws them (unsuccessfully) towards your head.
Now when you're questioned you can successfully blame your sister...
Clogronification comes from the Greek word Clogrostronom - meaning to eat pure milk products excessively on Tuesdays, during full moons - and the word Ronnofolo meaning to run wildly with scissors in-hand. We therefore combine these words to come up with CLOGRONIFICATION:
Note: In Northeastern Gaelic it literally means "Pull my leg..."
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~Merry-Christmas.com
